THE BELLY

8 months pregnant
with Mike and Mitch

Being pregnant with twins was an extraordinary experience. My ridiculously huge belly was in constant motion. Four elbows, four knees and two different personalities were in complete control.. My only job was to feed the crew and carry the load. Believe me, this was not an easy task.

All of my twins had their first fight long before I met them. They kicked and shoved and poked their partner day and night. These wombmates had a free, undisciplined run at each other. They could fight all they wanted and there was nothing I could do about it. When one decided it was time to turn over, he or she simply gave the other a good nudge and my body would spear into action. Strangers walking by were able to witness this normally private experience. There was positively no hiding it.

April and Jeff, once kicked a bucket of popcorn off my belly at the theater, sending the buttery contents all over the boy next to me. I believe, out of all the twins, those two did the best job of transforming my physique into a huge blob. I gained weight everywhere and a lot of it. I was sure at the time I was the only pregnant woman to show under her chin. I could not stop eating and gaining and eating.

During my eighth month with April and Jeff, I had to make a quick stop at the doctor’s office to pick up a prescription. As usual, there were twenty or so pregnant women stretching and grunting, trying to get in and out of the chairs in the waiting rooms. I waddled myself down the hall where the nurse said I’d find the doctor. He saw me, waved and started walking toward me with the prescription in hand, and then suddenly he seemed startled, turned abruptly and headed in the opposite direction. I thought maybe he had forgotten something. After only a few seconds he turned again and headed back toward me only to repeat the same behavior. He did this three times. Finally with his hand over his mouth, he shook his head, looked down at the floor and chuckled. “I’m so sorry; You are just so unbelievably pregnant.” Now if that wasn't enough to make me feel horrible! My own doctor could not look at me without laughing. Four months after these two were delivered; people were asking me when my baby was due. It would seem everything you eat does not go straight to the babies; it’s pretty much distributed evenly throughout your fat cells.

After April and Jeff came into the real world where I could referee their fights, I worked hard to put get the belly back in to some form of order. A year and a half later, James and Jon took up residence in my uterus. Since this was the third time my belly would need to stretch and bulge to accommodate the new occupants, the process took about 30 seconds. 

My belly got so big during this pregnancies that I was in tremendous pain.  My back couldn't handle the weight and I could barely stand up.  I’m not sure if this was because my twins were good size babies or if it was the abundance of chocolate cake I had consumed (again!). Whichever it was, I needed help.  One day my husband and I were watching TV and a friend came by.  He had sprained his arm and was wearing a sling.   My husband laughed and said, “Jenny, that’s what you need to haul that belly around.”  That was one of the only times that I had thought my husband was brilliant.  Brilliant!  We cut up an old sheet and did just that, made a tummy sling.  We wrapped it around the belly and tied it up over my shoulders.  What a relief.   Sometimes when my shoulders got tired I grabbed hold of the sides of the sling and held the weight with my arms.  Yes, it was humiliating wearing a belly sling and without doubt, the most humiliating part was the fact that I couldn't do it alone. My husband had to sling the belly and he could not contain his laughter. This ridiculous procedure even got me laughing and you know what happens to a laughing pregnant lady.  Yep; the peeing of the pants, which of course caused me to have to change and start this entire process over.

James and Jon were not happy with the crowded accommodations and, ("Thank God") moved out early. They were born five weeks early and healthy as ever. I can not imagine what form the belly would have taken if they had stayed another month.

My pregnancy with Mike and Mitch, my youngest, was another enormous adventure. Due to all the running around after the five children I already had, I managed to shrink down to a size one. I was done having kids. I had completely renovated my uterus and posted a huge "Do not enter" sign on the door. It didn't take long for me to realize that little fetuses can't read. Mike and Mitch tore down the sign and made themselves at home. 

I had learned my lesson with the other pregnancies and kept my distance from glazed doughnuts and my favorite chocolate cheese cake. I was determined to keep my figure and I did pretty good for the first seven months. Had it not been for the amazing growth that preceded me, I would have remained a size one. I did not even look pregnant from the back. It seemed I had gained no weight anywhere except for the belly. And, “the belly” took on a frightening life of its own. Small children would stop cold when they saw me and yell, “Mom! Look at that fat lady!” 

It, “the belly” was insulting to all it came in contact with.  I think one of the funniest belly assaults was done to my (now ex) brother-in-law, Dennis.  I was visiting with my husband‘s step mother, having coffee and gossiping about the rest of the family the way any good daughter-in -law should when Dennis arrived.  He said hello, came in and sat down at the table across from me and joined in the conversation.  I hadn't seen him in a several months, but more importantly, he hadn't seen me.  The table was quite high and “the belly” was comfortably concealed and resting on my lap.  When the time came for me to leave, I said goodbye and stood up from my chair.  Dennis let out an eye bulging scream and literally fell over. And NO, I did not help him up!

I have never seen a size one again. Those two identical seven and a half pound boys eventually distributed the weight to the rest of my body as they remodeled and expanded my uterus. The belly has never fully recovered. 

If I were to give advice to an expectant mother of twins it would be, eat when you’re hungry (just make good choices), sleep when you’re tired, cry when you’re sad, and don’t forget to take lots of warm bubble baths. Get plenty of hugs from everyone around you, and never forget how special you are.  “Wow, Twins!” 

Yes, you will be twice as pregnant, twice as worried, and twice as fat, but without a doubt, you will receive twice the reward. When it’s all said and done your arms will be overflowing with love and everything you went through will seem unimportant.  Cherish those special moments when you feel four legs kicking or two babies with the hiccups, that’s when you know all is well in the womb.